Do father’s have equal rights when battling custody?
July 7, 2009
It seems that times are in constant change. One topic I’ve heard plenty over the course of my research to publish SPMagazine.Net is that father’s have to fight super hard to gain custody rights of their children. Or in the least, fight an expensive battle just to spend a little extra time with their children who were once under the same roof as their dads on a daily basis. If the kids want to be with the other parent, put your differences aside. Trust me, it will help you in the long run.
The fathers I have met in the last couple of years have brought tears to my eyes. Why? They will put off anything to spend quality time with their children and I feel like my son was short-handed. His father, who unfortunately gives other fathers a bad rap making the court system what it is today, spends zero time with his son. Yet he expects his son on Father’s Day because there is a big feast. Everyone in his circle of friends and family expects a father and son, obviously. To show up without a kid would be detrimental to the image he’s been portraying – a tattoo with this son’s name and birthday. The bad mom that doesn’t let him spend that quality time with his son. I recently found out that he had been telling lies for years saying he calls to see his son all the time but I wouldn’t allow it. A fallacy that kills me because the one thing I promised myself as a child was never to do that to my own kids. You see, my mother did that to my siblings and I and it was not fair to us. It’s been a difficult time forgiving my mother for what she did.
Children are used as tools by some mothers, giving mother’s like me a bad rap – and a believable lie to use for some men, not going to point fingers. 
I have seen first hand, second hand, and whatever other terms there are to use, how women who claim to love their children will use their kid(s) as pawns just to get their way whether it is for financial gain or because of emotional injury.
Here’s a message for mothers and/or fathers, FORGET for a minute that the other hurt you or is not paying child support. The children and your personal adult misunderstandings and issues have nothing to do with parenting. If you can truly say your children enjoy the other parent and they miss them (unless there are addictions like alcoholism and/or scary pedophiliac tendencies) let them spend time with the other parent!
My son wishes now more then ever that his father took part in his life – he’s in his early teens. Don’t take away from the child any quality time with the other parent because you can’t turn back time. Hard as it may be emotionally, give in for the child’s sake and find some busy hobbies, work, time with friends and family, anything to help you through that time away from the kid(s). And when your kid(s) grow up, they WILL appreciate your good efforts. It comes back to you, so think about the future! Don’t ruin a good relationship with your children.
Entry Filed under: Adoption, Parenting, Single Parents, boys, child rearing, children, father's rights, fathers, parent, parental rights, single dad, single father, single mom, single mother, single parent, single parenting, solo dad, solo parent, solo parents, step parent. Tags: child custody, custody, divorce, father's rights, parental rights, single dad, single father, single mom, single parent, single parent kids, single parent magazine, Single Parents, solo dad, solo mom, step parent.
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1.
Joe | July 8, 2009 at 11:14 PM
In theory, rights are equal. As with most things theoritical, in practice they are far from it.
But, you quickly turned the issue of court treatment of the sexes (a VERY good topic) to one of working together for the kids despite problems between parents.
Nice message (and also a VERY good topic), but not related to court treatment of the sexes.
Actually, you have a half dozen very good topics jumbled together – ex. uncaring dads, greedy moms, alienating parents (mostly blamed on women, but both sexes are equally able to damage their children), X abuse issues, false allegations of abuse …
Each of these warrants seperate discussion (and gives you a years worth of topics
)
2.
SPmagazine.net | July 8, 2009 at 11:52 PM
You are absolutely right! There is a hell of a lot to talk about here. You should have seen my first (and only other) draft! LOL. I felt my ADD kick in as I was typing jumping all over the place.
3.
Simon | August 11, 2009 at 12:27 AM
joe hit the nail on the head. Yes in a court of law we all have the same rights. In practice however the dad’s battle is incredibly hard.
look at the figures and at common sense…ask yourselves how many single/remarried dads you know that have custody of their children full time. Not many i’ll bet. Are they bad dads? No. The mom almost always is considered the parent of choice in a split. Regardless of income, stability or circumstance…
It’s a shame…
4.
Single Mother | September 15, 2009 at 3:49 PM
I too sypathize with those fathers who sincerely want more time to spend with their children- however, they have equal rights. My sons father refused to be anything more than a sperm donor for my son. Nevertheless when child support issues arose- he went to court requesting joint custody. He was granted visitation for six months after which he would be granted joint custody. He failed to spend even 8 hours with my son. I was overjoyed when I was granted sole custody but was heartbroken to realize my son spent six months waiting at our door for nothing… For a nobody. Personally I feel if a woman gives birth to a healthy baby an absent father should have to take nine months of a parenting class before he can seek custody. As for fathers who have been there for their children- well, that’s a no brainer… Ladies do all of us single mothers a favor and quit being a B* ad let the man see his kids! There are too many kids without good daddys who would appreciate him!
5.
Simon | October 12, 2009 at 6:35 PM
this was a great post Single Mother.
I love your advice at the end. I am truly sorry about your situation. Some dads are, unfortunately, nothing more than sperm donors. Your son waiting by the door is a terrible thing but as long as you keep him grounded he’ll do fine.
I do, however, think your distinction between a father “having” equal rights and actually “receiving” equal rights is a little askew. Everyone has equal rights under the law, but how is it that only 13% of fathers in this country (last year) received sole custody of the children. Coincidence?
Like I said, it is great what you posted. Good luck!
6.
Step Mother | October 12, 2009 at 4:41 PM
I have been a stepmother in my step sons life since he was a year old (he’s 9 now). His mother left and cheated and wasn’t around for a while. Now, we have equal and shared custody. But no situation is ever ideal for a child in a divorce situation and it’s important to remember that legal rights or any other type of rights just aren’t as important as a realationship with a child. Kids need their mothers AND fathers in their lives on a daily basis.