Comments for SP Magazine .NET

Comment on Do father’s have equal rights when battling custody? by Simon

Simon — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 23:35:32 +0000

this was a great post Single Mother.
I love your advice at the end. I am truly sorry about your situation. Some dads are, unfortunately, nothing more than sperm donors. Your son waiting by the door is a terrible thing but as long as you keep him grounded he’ll do fine.
I do, however, think your distinction between a father “having” equal rights and actually “receiving” equal rights is a little askew. Everyone has equal rights under the law, but how is it that only 13% of fathers in this country (last year) received sole custody of the children. Coincidence?
Like I said, it is great what you posted. Good luck!

Comment on Do father’s have equal rights when battling custody? by Step Mother

Step Mother — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 21:41:15 +0000

I have been a stepmother in my step sons life since he was a year old (he’s 9 now). His mother left and cheated and wasn’t around for a while. Now, we have equal and shared custody. But no situation is ever ideal for a child in a divorce situation and it’s important to remember that legal rights or any other type of rights just aren’t as important as a realationship with a child. Kids need their mothers AND fathers in their lives on a daily basis.

Comment on Do father’s have equal rights when battling custody? by Single Mother

Single Mother — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 20:49:50 +0000

I too sypathize with those fathers who sincerely want more time to spend with their children- however, they have equal rights. My sons father refused to be anything more than a sperm donor for my son. Nevertheless when child support issues arose- he went to court requesting joint custody. He was granted visitation for six months after which he would be granted joint custody. He failed to spend even 8 hours with my son. I was overjoyed when I was granted sole custody but was heartbroken to realize my son spent six months waiting at our door for nothing… For a nobody. Personally I feel if a woman gives birth to a healthy baby an absent father should have to take nine months of a parenting class before he can seek custody. As for fathers who have been there for their children- well, that’s a no brainer… Ladies do all of us single mothers a favor and quit being a B* ad let the man see his kids! There are too many kids without good daddys who would appreciate him!

Comment on Should children be spanked? by PDeverit

PDeverit — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:44:20 +0000

Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:

Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

I think the reason why television shows like “Supernanny” and “Dr. Phil” are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

There are several reasons why child buttock-battering isn’t a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research on “spanking”.

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child buttock-battering isn’t a good idea:

American Academy of Pediatrics,

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,

Center For Effective Discipline,

PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,

Churches’ Network For Non-Violence,

Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,

Parenting In Jesus’ Footsteps,

Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,

United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

In 26 countries, child buttock-battering is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Comment on Using Children as Pawns by Chris

Chris — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 19:50:36 +0000

Parents on the receiving end can combat this by a few simple steps:

Tell them how much you love them.
Do not bash your ex to them or around them.
Answer the questions or lies TRUTHFULLY to your children which they heard from the ex spouse.
Stay involved with them whether its school, sporting or social events.

Your children will grow up quickly and they will see the light once they get older.

Comment on Using Children as Pawns by Geffen Liberman

Geffen Liberman — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 18:32:35 +0000

I am glad this is a topic because I see this all the time. Short of blatant child abuse, nothing could be more dangerous to the development of a child than what is described here. This is psychology 101 at work. When a child hears “I love you” from mom and dad, then hears them say it to each other, and then turn around and one day bash one another, the child naturally, subconciously understands that mommy or daddy could one day “turn” on them also. What an unsafe feeling for a child. I don’t care how much you hate you ex(which is a little weird anyway since they did help create your child)do not bash them in front of the kids. Find other ways to deal with your hurt and anger. Your self centeredness will make the situation worse and you and your child will pay serious dues later in life. Sorry to be so harsh but that is honest.

Comment on Do father’s have equal rights when battling custody? by Simon

Simon — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 05:27:07 +0000

joe hit the nail on the head. Yes in a court of law we all have the same rights. In practice however the dad’s battle is incredibly hard.
look at the figures and at common sense…ask yourselves how many single/remarried dads you know that have custody of their children full time. Not many i’ll bet. Are they bad dads? No. The mom almost always is considered the parent of choice in a split. Regardless of income, stability or circumstance…
It’s a shame…

Comment on Do father’s have equal rights when battling custody? by SPmagazine.net

SPmagazine.net — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 04:52:30 +0000

You are absolutely right! There is a hell of a lot to talk about here. You should have seen my first (and only other) draft! LOL. I felt my ADD kick in as I was typing jumping all over the place.

Comment on Do father’s have equal rights when battling custody? by Joe

Joe — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 04:14:30 +0000

In theory, rights are equal. As with most things theoritical, in practice they are far from it.

But, you quickly turned the issue of court treatment of the sexes (a VERY good topic) to one of working together for the kids despite problems between parents.

Nice message (and also a VERY good topic), but not related to court treatment of the sexes.

Actually, you have a half dozen very good topics jumbled together – ex. uncaring dads, greedy moms, alienating parents (mostly blamed on women, but both sexes are equally able to damage their children), X abuse issues, false allegations of abuse …

Each of these warrants seperate discussion (and gives you a years worth of topics )

Comment on Should children be spanked? by karencurnow

karencurnow — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 00:29:43 +0000

Should they be spanked…not as such but I don’t beleive a quick smack on the bottom hurts a child. It is an immediate message along with ‘no’ for a small child and if they are still in diapers it is surely more of a shock than anything.
I don’t believe children should be harmed in any way. Growing up as an abused child was difficult. I gave my kids a little smack (or really a tap) to let them know they shouldn’t do something but never, never, hit them hard or beat them…that would be awful. And the one thing I also want to point out, if you tell a child firmly but calmly what you want (which should be first) rather than what you don’t want, they will ‘listen’ and respond more readily.
I feel bad for children who are abused. It should never happen, but common sense tells us we are human and may lash out in the moment. So if that happens, don’t be too hard on yourself. Just try to remember your kid is not responsible for what you do……YOU ARE