My Boyfriend

Today is my first full day back from a 10 day trip with my boyfriend and my son. It was our first vacation together and I did not want it to end. I realized, it doesn’t matter where we went or where we’ll be going, we always enjoy each others company, especially as a family. What’s even better is that my son absolutely loves and approves of him. What a nice change from the person I dated 2 winters ago. My son was NOT happy so I moved on. I thought it was going to be a long lasting phase of unapprovals coming from a tween. My fear was that he’d never approve of anyone until he was off to college. A year later I decided to give it another shot. I met someone that gave me hope with love and trust. The night my son met him he behaved himself and when I asked him later how he felt, he said, ‘it feels like a family’. I had tears in my eyes. He has never had a father figure (his father’s choosing) so this was BIG. Especially now, in his early teen years. This one is a keeper – mother selected, child approved.

Parent Dating

If you’re a single parent, chances are you have told yourself at least once that you will not date until your kid(s) are older. I’m guilty. My son was only 1 when I realized it was time to move out and move on from a partner with alcohol issues.  I even paid most if not all of the bills – there was nothing positive about it. So off I went, vowing never to date again until my son was in his late teens.

Two years later I thought, what a mistake! Until a child is 3 years old, he/she can endure meeting mommy’s (or daddy’s) date. After 3 is when they really get attached – and they’re memory begins to set in! So when my pumpkin was three, I really wanted to date but I didn’t trust strangers to babysit. His father didn’t want anything to do with spending time with him. His excuse was, ‘so you could go out?’ Parenting or being a father figure was never a factor for him. And not having family around, well, I was stuck just wishing. You see, I had placed another set of rules for myself: no introducing dates to my son unless it’s very serious. How was I going to get serious if I couldn’t go out? And when I could go out it was on a whim so, hmm…

More years went by. I finally began dating someone. My son was about 6. He was a man I met at work. It was a mistake and, although we promised we’d still be friends if things didn’t work out, we weren’t. Not for a while – and we had to work in the same area! My son was indifferent since he never got involved during the 5 months of dating. It was more a game of ‘when is it my turn to get attention’.

Another year (or two?) went by and I began dating someone else from work. Notice a pattern? 🙂 Heck going to work was my idea of ‘going out’ so where else was I going to meet someone? This time, though, he worked on the opposite side of the building. Nice! 😉 It almost worked! But, it ended after a year. And my pumpkin, once again was OK with it since he too played that game – none with my son. My thoughts were, hey, this is OK because he was dating me and parenting was my responsibility only. How sad for my son for never having a father figure.

In the upcoming issue of my print publication, spmagazine.net , I have tips on office dating. In the next issue I’ll be writing about online dating.

My pumpkin is almost 14 and I’m dating someone I met online. Yep – I’m a hip mom, in with the times! And he’s great with my son. And that’s all I’m going to say for now so wish me luck! 🙂