Boy to man advice please!

My son is 13, soon to be 14, and it feels as if he is refusing to grow up. He remains attached to me and I feel awful when I tell him he needs to break free and become more independent. He seems to quiet down but reverts to the same needy state. He will not make decisions for himself and I am simply at a loss when he just sits around waiting for me to give him direction. HELP!

Happy Mother’s Day!

To all you wonderful momma’s, and father’s who take on both roles, HAVE A WONDERFUL MOTHER’S DAY!!!

My Boyfriend

Today is my first full day back from a 10 day trip with my boyfriend and my son. It was our first vacation together and I did not want it to end. I realized, it doesn’t matter where we went or where we’ll be going, we always enjoy each others company, especially as a family. What’s even better is that my son absolutely loves and approves of him. What a nice change from the person I dated 2 winters ago. My son was NOT happy so I moved on. I thought it was going to be a long lasting phase of unapprovals coming from a tween. My fear was that he’d never approve of anyone until he was off to college. A year later I decided to give it another shot. I met someone that gave me hope with love and trust. The night my son met him he behaved himself and when I asked him later how he felt, he said, ‘it feels like a family’. I had tears in my eyes. He has never had a father figure (his father’s choosing) so this was BIG. Especially now, in his early teen years. This one is a keeper – mother selected, child approved.

Parent Dating

If you’re a single parent, chances are you have told yourself at least once that you will not date until your kid(s) are older. I’m guilty. My son was only 1 when I realized it was time to move out and move on from a partner with alcohol issues.  I even paid most if not all of the bills – there was nothing positive about it. So off I went, vowing never to date again until my son was in his late teens.

Two years later I thought, what a mistake! Until a child is 3 years old, he/she can endure meeting mommy’s (or daddy’s) date. After 3 is when they really get attached – and they’re memory begins to set in! So when my pumpkin was three, I really wanted to date but I didn’t trust strangers to babysit. His father didn’t want anything to do with spending time with him. His excuse was, ‘so you could go out?’ Parenting or being a father figure was never a factor for him. And not having family around, well, I was stuck just wishing. You see, I had placed another set of rules for myself: no introducing dates to my son unless it’s very serious. How was I going to get serious if I couldn’t go out? And when I could go out it was on a whim so, hmm…

More years went by. I finally began dating someone. My son was about 6. He was a man I met at work. It was a mistake and, although we promised we’d still be friends if things didn’t work out, we weren’t. Not for a while – and we had to work in the same area! My son was indifferent since he never got involved during the 5 months of dating. It was more a game of ‘when is it my turn to get attention’.

Another year (or two?) went by and I began dating someone else from work. Notice a pattern? 🙂 Heck going to work was my idea of ‘going out’ so where else was I going to meet someone? This time, though, he worked on the opposite side of the building. Nice! 😉 It almost worked! But, it ended after a year. And my pumpkin, once again was OK with it since he too played that game – none with my son. My thoughts were, hey, this is OK because he was dating me and parenting was my responsibility only. How sad for my son for never having a father figure.

In the upcoming issue of my print publication, spmagazine.net , I have tips on office dating. In the next issue I’ll be writing about online dating.

My pumpkin is almost 14 and I’m dating someone I met online. Yep – I’m a hip mom, in with the times! And he’s great with my son. And that’s all I’m going to say for now so wish me luck! 🙂

Blind and Parenting

Friday, February 27, 2009 I attended a meeting for a blind organization called Beyond the Eyes. What a wonderful group! It was an honor to have been asked to attend by James Jasey, President of Beyond the Eyes, who’s touching story will soon be printed in an upcoming issue of SP Magazine.

James Jasey became a single parent after losing his wife and later lost his vision shortly after a near fatal car accident.  His story is sure to touch your hearts! Imagine as parents not being able to visually see the physical changes in your children as they grow, or to be able to see your child(ren)’s artistic abilities, see them play sports, and more. But life goes on and only YOU can make the best of it with what you have.  Don’t miss the next issue. Go to spmagazine.net to subscribe.

Want to learn more about the blind organization? The group meets once a month to identify needs, issues and concerns in the blind organization and to support and encourage each other and much more.  For more information, go to beyondtheeyes.info.

Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas?

The holidays are upon us. Emails and news reports have been going around about how ‘Happy Holidays’ is now a plot to remove the word ‘Christmas’. Although there is truth of a process of elimination in schools about praying and removing God from their vocabulary, in my opinion, Happy Holidays is not a part of this scheme. It is simply shorter to say HAPPY HOLIDAYS to someone then it is to say “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you”. In today’s society, with all the information processing and busier lifestyles, we find shortcuts to quickly say what we need to say and move on. And that’s not the only reason, I trully respect that others are not of my Christian faith and belief in Jesus so when I’m unsure, I purposely say Happy Holidays. Let’s not worry about yet another ‘what if’, be merry and love and respect each other, Happy Holidays!

One more thing. This is a time of cheer and giving. Although for some, it’s a time of loneliness and depression. Some refer to it as the ‘Winter Blues’. In addition, some may also struggle to give because of limited income. For single parents, they may come across both and sometimes want to hide and make it go away. But we don’t because we have someone to care for that is really looking forward to that time of cheer and a gift to open. Procrastinating is almost inevitable but we eventually get around to it because we love our child(ren). To all my fellow single parents, an extra blessing to you and everyone else who struggles in one way or another but yet you continue to grow strong and make the next day a better day.

Have a very Merry Christmas, a very Happy Holiday to all and a fabulous Happy New Year where ever you may be!

Dating – When to Involve the Kids

The single parent night life can be no different than any other. It’s when there’s a love connection that it can get hairy. Ever start a conversation without immediately saying ‘I have a kid’? I rarely do, honestly. I don’t like wasting my time so I throw it out there right away, take it or leave it. Saves me the trouble of rejection later. But it’s those few times where I unexpectedly meet someone and I connect through intense conversations about anything other than my kid and then I wonder, will it change things when I bring up my lifestyle? I’m guilty of that thought –and action! I’ve actually saved the detail for a later time. And yes, I felt guilty! But it’s natural. You may wonder why it has to make a difference. But it’s a world of difference. I’ve been rejected for being a single parent but I understand. Before I had my son, I did not want to date someone with history, like a prior marriage or children. So when I get rejected, I look back at my choices then and nod with approval that everyone has a choice to live the life they choose. So I move on and keep living with a positive attitude.

A Child’s Thoughts (from SP Magazine’s Vol 1 Issue 1)

Being an Only Child with a Single Parent

By Peter Rodrigues (unedited)

 

Being an only child with a single parent is normal for me now. I also got used to having a pet. I’m 12 years old now. My whole life I’ve been alone with my mom. There are very bad and very good things about having a single parent and being an only child. First of all, the disadvantages of being the son of a single parent: One is that my mom is always working so I’m always alone. Also, one parent might not like things you do but if you had another, that one might. Now about being an only child I don’t have to take away spare time to take care of a little kid or get bullied by an older sibling. Plus, I dn’t have to let anyone mess with my stuff or me getting in trouble for getting mad.

 

            Now, the benefits of all that. If I want to do something, my parents don’t need to have an argument. Then they might argue and by the time they’re done, they say yes but it’s too late now. And two parents would be a problem because of double punishment, and double strictness.

 

            Something that would be good about having two parents is that we would have more money, which means I could get more things. So that’s all I thought of today about being an only child with a single parent. My name is Peter Rodrigues. I’m 12 years old. This is how I lived all my life and that’s all I have to say about being an only child with a single parent.

Going Green (from SP Magazine’s Issue 1 Vol 1)

Going Green?

By Barbara Beelitz

 

Sometimes the idea of “going green” can feel overwhelming, and sound expensive – hybrid vehicles, solar heating panels, new appliances. Yikes! That sounds like more than most of us can afford. We don’t know where to start, so we don’t start at all.

 

But, like any other project worth doing, if we break it down into bite-size pieces, we can actually begin to make a difference. Every step in the right direction counts.

 

Don’t take it all on yourself. Involve the family. If your children are old enough to use a computer, give them the assignment of finding one or two changes you can make every month so they can feel they are making a contribution as well. Introduce your children to sites such as http://www.epa.gov/kids, www.pbskids.org/eekoworld or http://www.epa.gov/climatechange/kids. They’re fun and informative. Or, just do a search for “kids green websites” where you will find an amazing number of sites to explore.

 

So you want to get started immediately but don’t have the time to figure out where to begin… here are a few changes you can make right now, as well as the positive impact they will have on our environment.

 

1.     Skip the bottled water – There are 2.7 million tons of plastic used to make water bottles each year. In the U.S., less than 20 percent of water bottles are recycled. Also consider the health ramifications of plastic. According to the Enviromental Working Group (www.ewg.org) “Make sure your stainless steel bottle doesn’t have a plastic liner inside, which may leach bisphenol-A (BPA), an industrial chemical linked to birth defects of the male and female reproductive systems and other health concerns.” Filter your tap water, and consider purchasing a reusable bottle such as the Klean Kanteen stainless steel bottle at http://www.kleankanteen.com. They’re durable, lightweight and come in a variety of sizes.

2.     Bring your own mug to coffee shops when you stop for your morning brew. You can determine just how much your traditional paper or Styrofoam cups are contributing to landfills by going to http://www.dzignism.com/projects/coffee.waste. If you’re ready to make a change, go to www.reusablebags.com where you can shop for a “stainless steel travel mug”.

3.     STOP THE PLASTIC BAGS FROM TAKING OVER! Approximately 100 billion plastic bags are used each year. Very few of them are recycled. Bring your own cloth bags to the supermarket to bag your orders instead of using plastic. Some stores are actually issuing credits for reusing your shopping bags or bringing your own cloth version.

4.     Make sure the paper products you need to use are made from recycled paper. Sunrise by Marcal paper products are 100% premium recycled paper manufactured by New Jersey’s own Marcal Paper Mills. Marcal has been recycling paper for over 60 years, collecting over 200,000 tons of recyclable paper annually from local towns and offices.

5.     Don’t exceed the speed limit when driving. “Driving 75 mph instead of 65 mph will lower your fuel economy by about 10 percent, and can dramatically increase tailpipe pollution in many vehicles,” as per Greenercars.org.

6.     Another great website to visit is www.idealbite.com. You will find simple, innovative ways to go green.

 

Remember to give yourself credit for each step you take. There will always be ways we can improve and lead healthier lives for our own good as well as the good of our planet. Keep in mind the words of Marshall McLuhan, a Canadian author, educator and scholar, who once said “On Spaceship Earth there are no passengers; everybody is a member of the crew. We have moved into an age in which everybody’s activities affect everybody else.“ Take responsibility by taking action. Now.

 

 

Pamela Beelitz is a Shaklee Independent Distributor whose product lines include nutritional supplements, green cleaning products, weight management, skin care, cosmetics and air & water purification.

Getting Organized (from SP Magazine’s Issue 1 Vol 1)

Clean Up

4 ways to help kids learn about organization

 

By Patricia Diesel

Did you know that by having a routine and being organized you can reduce the level of stress within your home?

Providing structure and discipline within your family is a way to instill good habits for your children that will foster their well being and bring you peace of mind.

Make it routine

One way to teach your children how to become better organized is by modeling your very own routine.  Routines show children how to be responsible, thus making them feel safe and secure. 

A simple routine for your children can begin with setting a ritual bath-time and story-time followed by lights-out.  This promotes a sound night’s rest and overall good health.

Make it clean

Showing your children how to clean their rooms and maintain the messiness is another way to show your children the skills of organization and can also reduce the risk of accidents.

Introducing the concept that a child’s room is a place to retreat from the daily stresses and worries will help them take pride and have respect for their space.

Make it simple

A smart way to lower your kid’s level of frustration is to simplify their lives.  Take a look at what activities your children are involved in and then rate the level of importance to their well being.  If your children are continually stressed out, ask yourself what’s the payoff?  Does it makes sense to continue down the same path or do some of the activities need to be cut back?

 

 

 

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Make it last

Depending upon the age of your children, think about what you can begin teaching your kids right away that will become life-long skills for them.  Is it learning how to boil water and working your way up to cooking a simple meal?  How about sorting the laundry then progressing to doing the wash and maybe even ironing?  Simple household chores such as taking out the trash and vacuuming the floors are smart ways to introduce segments of good housekeeping rules.

Children are products of their environment and a clutter-free home promotes a clutter-free mind.