Posts tagged ‘single parents and relationships’

Boy to man advice please!

My son is 13, soon to be 14, and it feels as if he is refusing to grow up. He remains attached to me and I feel awful when I tell him he needs to break free and become more independent. He seems to quiet down but reverts to the same needy state. He will not make decisions for himself and I am simply at a loss when he just sits around waiting for me to give him direction. HELP!

May 11, 2009 at 12:44 PM 6 comments

Parent Dating

If you’re a single parent, chances are you have told yourself at least once that you will not date until your kid(s) are older. I’m guilty. My son was only 1 when I realized it was time to move out and move on from a partner with alcohol issues.  I even paid most if not all of the bills – there was nothing positive about it. So off I went, vowing never to date again until my son was in his late teens.

Two years later I thought, what a mistake! Until a child is 3 years old, he/she can endure meeting mommy’s (or daddy’s) date. After 3 is when they really get attached – and they’re memory begins to set in! So when my pumpkin was three, I really wanted to date but I didn’t trust strangers to babysit. His father didn’t want anything to do with spending time with him. His excuse was, ‘so you could go out?’ Parenting or being a father figure was never a factor for him. And not having family around, well, I was stuck just wishing. You see, I had placed another set of rules for myself: no introducing dates to my son unless it’s very serious. How was I going to get serious if I couldn’t go out? And when I could go out it was on a whim so, hmm…

More years went by. I finally began dating someone. My son was about 6. He was a man I met at work. It was a mistake and, although we promised we’d still be friends if things didn’t work out, we weren’t. Not for a while – and we had to work in the same area! My son was indifferent since he never got involved during the 5 months of dating. It was more a game of ‘when is it my turn to get attention’.

Another year (or two?) went by and I began dating someone else from work. Notice a pattern? 🙂 Heck going to work was my idea of ‘going out’ so where else was I going to meet someone? This time, though, he worked on the opposite side of the building. Nice! 😉 It almost worked! But, it ended after a year. And my pumpkin, once again was OK with it since he too played that game – none with my son. My thoughts were, hey, this is OK because he was dating me and parenting was my responsibility only. How sad for my son for never having a father figure.

In the upcoming issue of my print publication, spmagazine.net , I have tips on office dating. In the next issue I’ll be writing about online dating.

My pumpkin is almost 14 and I’m dating someone I met online. Yep – I’m a hip mom, in with the times! And he’s great with my son. And that’s all I’m going to say for now so wish me luck! 🙂

April 2, 2009 at 10:41 AM Leave a comment


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