Do father’s have equal rights when battling custody?
July 7, 2009 at 1:00 PM 11 comments
It seems that times are in constant change. One topic I’ve heard plenty over the course of my research to publish SPMagazine.Net is that father’s have to fight super hard to gain custody rights of their children. Or in the least, fight an expensive battle just to spend a little extra time with their children who were once under the same roof as their dads on a daily basis. If the kids want to be with the other parent, put your differences aside. Trust me, it will help you in the long run.
The fathers I have met in the last couple of years have brought tears to my eyes. Why? They will put off anything to spend quality time with their children and I feel like my son was short-handed. His father, who unfortunately gives other fathers a bad rap making the court system what it is today, spends zero time with his son. Yet he expects his son on Father’s Day because there is a big feast. Everyone in his circle of friends and family expects a father and son, obviously. To show up without a kid would be detrimental to the image he’s been portraying – a tattoo with this son’s name and birthday. The bad mom that doesn’t let him spend that quality time with his son. I recently found out that he had been telling lies for years saying he calls to see his son all the time but I wouldn’t allow it. A fallacy that kills me because the one thing I promised myself as a child was never to do that to my own kids. You see, my mother did that to my siblings and I and it was not fair to us. It’s been a difficult time forgiving my mother for what she did.
Children are used as tools by some mothers, giving mother’s like me a bad rap – and a believable lie to use for some men, not going to point fingers. 🙂 I have seen first hand, second hand, and whatever other terms there are to use, how women who claim to love their children will use their kid(s) as pawns just to get their way whether it is for financial gain or because of emotional injury.
Here’s a message for mothers and/or fathers, FORGET for a minute that the other hurt you or is not paying child support. The children and your personal adult misunderstandings and issues have nothing to do with parenting. If you can truly say your children enjoy the other parent and they miss them (unless there are addictions like alcoholism and/or scary pedophiliac tendencies) let them spend time with the other parent!
My son wishes now more then ever that his father took part in his life – he’s in his early teens. Don’t take away from the child any quality time with the other parent because you can’t turn back time. Hard as it may be emotionally, give in for the child’s sake and find some busy hobbies, work, time with friends and family, anything to help you through that time away from the kid(s). And when your kid(s) grow up, they WILL appreciate your good efforts. It comes back to you, so think about the future! Don’t ruin a good relationship with your children.
Entry filed under: Adoption, boys, child rearing, children, father's rights, fathers, parent, parental rights, Parenting, single dad, single father, single mom, single mother, single parent, single parenting, Single Parents, solo dad, solo parent, solo parents, step parent. Tags: child custody, custody, divorce, father's rights, parental rights, single dad, single father, single mom, single parent, single parent kids, single parent magazine, Single Parents, solo dad, solo mom, step parent.
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1.
Joe | July 8, 2009 at 11:14 PM
In theory, rights are equal. As with most things theoritical, in practice they are far from it.
But, you quickly turned the issue of court treatment of the sexes (a VERY good topic) to one of working together for the kids despite problems between parents.
Nice message (and also a VERY good topic), but not related to court treatment of the sexes.
Actually, you have a half dozen very good topics jumbled together – ex. uncaring dads, greedy moms, alienating parents (mostly blamed on women, but both sexes are equally able to damage their children), X abuse issues, false allegations of abuse …
Each of these warrants seperate discussion (and gives you a years worth of topics :D)
2.
SPmagazine.net | July 8, 2009 at 11:52 PM
You are absolutely right! There is a hell of a lot to talk about here. You should have seen my first (and only other) draft! LOL. I felt my ADD kick in as I was typing jumping all over the place. 😀
3.
Simon | August 11, 2009 at 12:27 AM
joe hit the nail on the head. Yes in a court of law we all have the same rights. In practice however the dad’s battle is incredibly hard.
look at the figures and at common sense…ask yourselves how many single/remarried dads you know that have custody of their children full time. Not many i’ll bet. Are they bad dads? No. The mom almost always is considered the parent of choice in a split. Regardless of income, stability or circumstance…
It’s a shame…
4.
Single Mother | September 15, 2009 at 3:49 PM
I too sypathize with those fathers who sincerely want more time to spend with their children- however, they have equal rights. My sons father refused to be anything more than a sperm donor for my son. Nevertheless when child support issues arose- he went to court requesting joint custody. He was granted visitation for six months after which he would be granted joint custody. He failed to spend even 8 hours with my son. I was overjoyed when I was granted sole custody but was heartbroken to realize my son spent six months waiting at our door for nothing… For a nobody. Personally I feel if a woman gives birth to a healthy baby an absent father should have to take nine months of a parenting class before he can seek custody. As for fathers who have been there for their children- well, that’s a no brainer… Ladies do all of us single mothers a favor and quit being a B* ad let the man see his kids! There are too many kids without good daddys who would appreciate him!
5.
Simon | October 12, 2009 at 6:35 PM
this was a great post Single Mother.
I love your advice at the end. I am truly sorry about your situation. Some dads are, unfortunately, nothing more than sperm donors. Your son waiting by the door is a terrible thing but as long as you keep him grounded he’ll do fine.
I do, however, think your distinction between a father “having” equal rights and actually “receiving” equal rights is a little askew. Everyone has equal rights under the law, but how is it that only 13% of fathers in this country (last year) received sole custody of the children. Coincidence?
Like I said, it is great what you posted. Good luck!
6.
Step Mother | October 12, 2009 at 4:41 PM
I have been a stepmother in my step sons life since he was a year old (he’s 9 now). His mother left and cheated and wasn’t around for a while. Now, we have equal and shared custody. But no situation is ever ideal for a child in a divorce situation and it’s important to remember that legal rights or any other type of rights just aren’t as important as a realationship with a child. Kids need their mothers AND fathers in their lives on a daily basis.
7.
michelle pantoja | February 25, 2010 at 4:41 PM
i just recently got in contact with my biological father and he wants to meet me and i do to but i dont know how to tell my mom if she tells me no do i still have the right to see him i am 16 and i really want to meet him i need some advice
8.
SPmagazine.net | March 5, 2010 at 1:59 PM
Hi Michelle,
A few questions come to mind. I’m not sure if you are adopted or if you are with your biological mom. Both could bring significantly different answers. Also, every state has different laws so if you can give me that info that can help too. I am trying to get a hold of an attorney that can help with these answers so let me know. Feel free to contact me directly by going to ‘contact us’ at http://www.spmagazine.net. I’d leave you my email here but then I’ll get spam emails.
In the meantime, perhaps you should throw the question out there as a ‘what if’ to see what your mom will say. If she seems to be OK with it assure her that you still love her and that this is something you have to do for yourself.
Good luck and I look forward to hearing back from you soon.
9.
Jorge | June 27, 2010 at 9:07 PM
After being at this for almost a year now, I can say that although the law says fathers have equal rights, we all know that it rarely happens that a father is treated as anything less than a second class citizen. My ex-girlfriend and I split about a year ago and she has given me hell just to see my son. I’ve always paid voluntary support until we went to court to finally put it in writing which i had no objection with. I bought a health insurance policy for my son that she refused to use instead put him on medicaid until she was forced to use my policy. She stated that if she used it then I’d have more say over my son. I had to take her to court to force her to use my policy and get my son off of medicaid, should I have had to do that? I quit my traveling job to start my own business to be around my son. I pay her and never miss a payment almost three times the national average in support and day care. All that and I have to pay my lawyer just to get her to do the right thing for my son. I have to fight just to see him, at least until the case goes to trial. She actually went to the court and requested of the judge that because I am not a natural born citizen, to deny me time because I may take him out of the country. Worst of all, it was initially granted. Where are the equal rights. More yet, where are my civil rights? I’ve always supported my son and been there for him from the moment she got pregnant until now but I have to spend my life saving now to make sure I continue to be part of his life, money I could use for a college fund which she will never manage to have.
10.
fp | November 11, 2010 at 2:08 PM
My wife and I had some arguements but on oct. 28 2009 she contacted an atty with the james , mcelroy and diehl firm in charlotte, nc (bill diehl is looked at like the johnny cochran of charlotte) she hired jonathan feit from his office or at least spoke to him byp hone records then. Looking back from that date on my wifes behavior changed and it is now obvious that she was being coached by this attorney jonathan feit.
she had 90-100 calls to her ex-boyfriend the reason i found this out was because she wanted to see my calls when we went online i called only business and she called her ex which by the way his name was stored under met underwriting as to hide it from me if i ever had her phone. so after a long 2 months she had me locked out of my own house in a moment of anger and not 1 of trying to hurt anyone i kicked the garage door in which led to her having me kicked out by the police. looking back i now know this was the result of her atty coaching her and leading me into a mess!!!! i thought our marriage was fine meanwhile she was hiding $$ , transferring $$ into her moms joint act. , hiding jewelry and taking my stuff that i had before marriage. It’s like once this feit atty. got involved she was brainwashed and couldnt see his only objective is to take our $$$$ he has ruined our family, kids stable upbringing and we have or will go through most or all of our savings by the time its done!!! Google jonathan feit atty charlotte nc see all the junk he has done he even caused one women to kill her child then self!!! he doesnt care about kids and has advised my wife on several occasions not to let me see or speak to kids!!!! she has not alloowed me to see my kids since aug 29th 2010which is unacceptable to me!!! but due to the stelllar idea i had to kick in the door im not allowed near her!!!! 11/12/2010 we have court where now she will have to answer to contempt charges and i’ll get visitation restored but what stops her from doing this again? I love my wife with all my heart and would take her back in a minute even after all she has put me through!!!! i know this wasnt her it was her atty. But that doesnt seem like an option for me so now i must fight tooth and nail to see my kids!!!! in the past month i have talked to my 3 yr old son 1 time and my daughter 1 time!!! my wife has bad mouthed me to my kids on numerous occasions and last time i was with my daughter she even told me mommy says “your not pating child support” which i was paying but when she cut all communication between the kids and i what was i supposed to do? i can not feed her $$$ to pay some atty to keep sticking it to me!!! so i paid $5200 caught up all support which the court hasnt appointed an amount yet but it will surely be less than what im paying now!!!!! i just really miss my kids and i want all women and men to know that keeping kids from the other parent does an unmeasurable amount of damege to the children and it ruins a large portion of there childhood!!! yes it tears me up and I feel depressed and really down but my heart bleeds for those 2 little ones there everything to me and while i want custody of my kids and i feel like the courts are starting to recognize my wifes wrong doings i would never take her out of the kids lives as she has to me!!!! i’m hurt and dont really know where im going with this but all i can say is i hope and pray that the kids are ok!!! is there any feedback on how the courts in nc look at or frown upon a parent doing this to kids and other parent?
11.
fp | November 11, 2010 at 3:43 PM
none